I have often pondered on how to make a marriage work. Half the time I am trying to figure out how it can be so hard. I mean, how often do you get in an actual argument with your best friend. The other half of the time, I am trying to figure out how 50% of people DON'T get divorced.
This might stop half of you from continuing reading this post, but I have not found the single secret to a happy and fulfilling marriage. But I found something out about relationships today. I played catch with my dad.
Now my dad is a 68 year old man with silver hair who was commonly mistaken for my grandfather, but for a man that is a multi-year starter for the AARP, he is still in pretty good physical shape. (especially when you factor in the drugs, and alcohol, and military service, and crashing into a wall with a truck, and... well, I will stop there). Now my dad played 2 years of high school football in Tennessee. He is married to a rabid Packers fan, and helped raise another rabid Packers fan, who also ends up being a rabid football fan overall, who would love to put on pads and join a team (Don't worry, this post will not also be all bout football). And today, I ran tons of hooks, short slants, some streaks, even half a dozen post routes before finishing the day with a handful of fades. My dad only threw a handful of balls farther than 12 yards (I started my streaks 15 yards behind the line of scrimmage), but I explained when each route would be run, against what coverage, and gave examples of how these tactics had been used the previous day in the Packers-Broncos game. After a mere 20 minutes, my dad told me it was the most coaching he had ever received on football.
Prior to that, I thought my dad just screamed along with his wife and son, not really knowing what was going on. Today, I learned that he had learned most everything he knew about football, aside from the obvious you want the ball in your offenses endzone, by watching the game and trying to ask questions. much of the time, I either shushed him, or rushed my answer. Today I was able to calmly explain, and demonstrate, what happens in the passing game.
And that, in a nutshell, is the secret. My passion is football, and my dad took time out of his schedule to subject his 68 year-old arm to repetitive punishment, because it is what I wanted. He was willing to put aside his wants for the day, and work on making my 'want' a 'has.' (bad sentence?) When I asked a friend the secret to his, seemingly perfect, marriage, he told me to remember the small things, the little likes and preferences and passions, and surprise them with it. If they like cheesy movies with chocolate ice cream, break it out for them. If they like trap shooting, take'em for a ride to the club.
I had though of all these other ideas; a bi-monthly adventure, alone time, a monthly group date night with other couples, date night alone every week, taking a vacation every year, spending time learning something new and interesting (dance, instruments, photography, a language, gardening, auto care, facial reading, massage, yoga, film, poetry, surfing, etc.), going window shopping and then for real shopping. All these things seemed like great ideas, but the one that would make them all work was1) good communication and 2) a willingness to compromise. That's why Romeo and Juliet didn't work out. Lack of communication.
I think I can compromise, simply because I am indecisive, but communication is a little harder for me. I am not at all good talking about emotions. I laugh when I want to cry (and then I cry during the google Chrome commercial with the dad eJournaling his daughter's life... sooooooo adorable). I know that there are a number of relationships I need to work on (namely with my sister), and all it should take is some taking, and compromise... and maybe a touch of bribery.
Also, if anyone else has any fun, interesting ways to keep marriages and relationships fun, happy, and exciting, please email me. gavin.strawn@gmail.com
Also, Romeo and Juliet were like teenagers, so that probably contributed to their relationship not working out, ha ha. I think there are many ways to keep a marriage strong, and the methods depends on the couple. Also, I have to point out that the 50% statistic you cited toward the start there is an often quoted, but grossly exaggerated figure. It's nowhere near 50% if you take into account all the marriages that do last. (There are more balanced studies out there, but for some reason this inflated number stick.)
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