may the force be with you. always.

Time to reference another show I have been streaming via netflix: Psych.
It is funny, entertaining, rather immature, and has a wonderful, cute, and quirky love story. Last night, I watched the episode with the high school reunion with Rachel Leigh Cook. Gus had been voted most likely to succeed in high school, and his former classmates looked down on him for being less than what they projected him to be, and he got down on himself because of their opinions.
I have never really had any goals for myself. There have been things I wanted to do; write a book, climb a mountain, track down a deer through the woods and a run, break 4.7 in the 40 yard dash, learn how to dance (both ballroom and break), sing a song without going off key. I never had any real expectations when it came to my professional future, though.
Part of my job with Associated Bank is demoing samples for Festival Foods. A former teacher came by and we chatted for a little bit while she sample the potato salad, and a few days later, she came by again, this time while I was in the bank itself. She looked surprised, then relieved. She told me that she had expected more from me than handing out free samples for a living.
Oh really? Is that so? You judging me?!?!? I have hardly ever pushed myself, never actually planned ahead, and the closest I have come to real five-year plan is "I think I will be alive at that point... not sure what i'll be doing, though!"
I think this is typical of many people. Feel free to tell me if you have, but I know very few people who go all the way through college without once changing their major (even if they revert back to their original major) and then never change careers after that. During freshman orientation at SNC, I was told the average person changing careers, not jobs, 6 times. What good is a five-year plan if you are going to be changing careers every five years, and jobs at an even more rapid rate? Why plan ahead if the best laid plans are going to be changed by outside forces?
I have learned to simply try and control my life in a way that is in accord with Alcoholic Anonymous; One Day At A Time. I have an AA coin in my wallet, and repeat the serenity prayer at times when I am feeling weak or unimportant. I have acquired a list of the 12 steps and have worked to follow them. I make plans with a long term goal (for me that is a month), but work to get through each 24 hour span to make it a victory. I have to make conscious efforts to accomplish my goals each day, whether it be homework, school work, work work, scripture study, working out, or blogging. I am not the type of person who makes a goal, and then follows it through to the end. I don't have the drive and determination. I don;t have that willpower.
Because of THAT, I am scared. I am about to put myself in a position where I will be dedicating myself to two years of missionary work. I know for a fact that the Gavin Strawn that has walked the sidewalks of St. Norbert College and run CC at North High and played Ultimate Frisbee at Field of Dreams cannot accomplish this daunting task. That guy just doesn't have it in him to do this. But I know that guy will be helped.
The Holy Ghost has been given to me that I might be able to draw strength from the Lord when I ask in faith and with righteous desires. I know that with help from Heavenly Father, I can be successful in anything that I set out to do. When I turn myself over to the work, and put forth the effort to humble myself, to make myself a vessel for the Spirit, then I will be able to do things that I never dreamed possible.
It is in humility that I can find strength, and it is in the Lord that I will find peace. I just have to make each day a goal, and live one day at a time.