Sunday, October 30, 2011

That trip was simply pun-tacular

Just got back from a trip to Nauvoo. It was a wonderful time with those who were there, and those that were unable to come were missed (Mike, Pat, and Dani, to name a few). Jared, however, could not stop saying 'rustic,' and turned every statement or question into a pun. If that was the biggest setback, I would say it was a darn good trip.
Now, to business. There was once a Russian Nuclear scientist who fell in love with an woman. However, he refuted all claims of God, a concept she most heartily endorsed. What was the outcome?
I have always loved romantic stories, and this is one I randomly thought of during the 6 hour drive home from Nauvoo. I am not sure why I thought of this story line in particular. I do not know any Russians, much less ones that were Nuclear scientists during the Cold War and are atheists. I think it is the concept of 'sticking to your guns' in the face of another doing the same that intrigues me, especially when it is someone you care for and your views are conflicting.
I am genuinely curious as to what would happen in this relationship. I know in a cheesy romantic movie, the soviet leaders would force the scientist to surrender the girl on pain of death, but he would then arrange her escape/rescue, not go with her to the US, where upon he would eventually become converted, and lose his life in a Russian gulag, but in a romantic way.
Here is my thing; I have been in love, but unfortunately I have dedicated my love most strongly to other people. A more interesting, and far less romantic in conventional senses, would be a man would loves his job and his family and his home, and is asked to leave it all to go on a mission... what would he do? There is no immediate, foreseen reward (such as a pretty American girl), and the world we live in would be less receptive to a man giving up two years of his life for God than fleeing his country for love and freedom. Trust me. I have been in variations of both stories.
Here is a style of love I have always revered; that of a Knight for his Liege. The ritualism that is portrayed in the relationship is honor and respect from both parties for each other. The Knight would sacrifice all he had, life, limb, and fortune, in an effort to serve his King. He bowed before him, served him in menial tasks, and was willing at all times in all things. This selfless service is true love; a willingness to abandon your own desires and goals for another, because when you love someone their desires become as great and important to you as your own.
How can I learn to honor and serve God in a way that is on par with that of the knights of old for their king? How can it be that I, one who has devoted so much of his time to studying and learning of the great code of chivalry and those affiliated with it, can be such a 'moderate at best' servant to his own Lord?
I must learn to love the Lord my God with all my soul, with every fiber of my being, and to learn and know his will, and live in a way that demonstrates that I believe it. I do believe in these things. What is left for me to do is to live this glorious, wonderful gospel.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Quoter not Quoting!

When I was in High School, I was helping to plan and prepare for a Youth Dance being held at the Sheboygan Ward building. My brother had taken point on decorations, and then my friend Jared and I got to help with food. I was perfectly ok with that. I happen to very much like food. Jared and I were able to work with our employer at the time, Coldstone Creamery, to acquire through official channels two full sized pans of ice cream, and I believe a smaller one or two of sorbet. As the Black Eyed Peas said later, tonight's gonna be a good night!
When we were on our way to pick up the nummy, icey treat, I was quoting movies and song lyrics at an amazing pace. Seemingly everything anyone said that drive I could find in a movie. Before I go any further, let me explain that almost my entire family has a tendency to join in on quote-fest at some point. Tom and I do it the most, Brandon and Briana do it rather often, and many times more accurately than Tom and myself. Tyner likes to join in as well, but my mom picks her moments. She recognizes very well when to deliver a line and recently is on a "Best time to use that Quote" of the week award since its inauguration. On this particular day, she was slightly fed up; laughing, but probably wishing that I could carry on a conversation using my own words. So she gave me a challenge.
She told me to see if I could make it from Coldstone all the way to Church (an 8 MINUTE DRIVE!!!) without quoting a single song, movie, show, or commercial (you would be surprised how quotable some commercials are.) I made it to UW Sheboygan, about 3 minutes, before a commercial surged uninvited through my vocal chords. My mom just laughed at me.
If I ever annoy you with movie/song/television/youtube video quotes, please excuse me. It is very much who I am, much like my hair color and goofy smile. I could change it, but I don't think there is a problem with it, and it would take too much to alter it, and it is something that I happen to like most of the time.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Time to bring in the closer

Has there ever been something you have to do that you just didn't want to? Go to college? Get a job? Read a book? Ask for directions? Shovel the snow off the sidewalk? Go to Church Sunday morning? Go to sports or drama practice after a long day?
Yup, I been there. Right now, there is something I have to do, that my friend is pushing me to do, and I don't want to do it. I made a note in my journal that I had to have it done... yesterday. And yet today, I have left it unfinished.
If you know me, you know I procrastinate, but this is different. I don't know why, but there is a fear in these things that isn't present when I put off cleaning my room, or doing my homework. I am almost as afraid of doing these things as I am of not doing them, or screwing them up.
I know I need to prepare to serve my mission, but every time I bow my head to pray, or open my scriptures, or journal, I get nervous, anxious, and worried. I am frightened that I will do something wrong in preparation or in the field that will damage those around me.
These fears are unpractical. What GIVES me strength in preparing for my mission are the very things I am afraid of doing wrong. So how bout this, fear. I pray for strength, guidance, and direction before I do anything else.
I know from experience that through fasting and prayer, I gain strength to do those things I must, whether spiritual or of the world. It seems strange that by seemingly depriving myself of essential ingredients for life (food and water) bring me strength. The amazing thing that I have experienced is that I feel better, happier, less burdened when "starving." I am more in tune with the Spirit of God, and my willingness to sacrifice these requirements of temporal life works as evidence of my commitment and devotion to Heavenly Father. Though I LOVE eating, as soon as it became habit for me to spend the first weekend of every month fasting, it was easy. I didn't feel hungry, or thirsty, and within 3 months, I was routinely running, lifting, or playing volley ball, football, or ultimate frisbee 23 hours into my fast. I more readily read and understood scripture, kept a journal, and followed commandments better than ever before.
So I guess this is a round about way of me saying I need to make a call.

Friday, October 21, 2011

How I See It

Following the dominant offensive performance by Lutheran Tuesday night, I was introduced to a number of students. They were very interested in two things about me. Firstly: Are you actually gay? Secondly: Are you really a Mormon.
The first question was very quickly answered. “No, I’m not. However, I am rather in touch with my feminine side, and was invited to go homecoming dress shopping, thus becoming a ‘Gay Friend.’” By the way, ladies, gay guys are not accessories, but people. They should not be every girl’s new addition to their Coach Bag and mini poodle. Treat them like people, please.
The second question was initially answered even easier. “Yes, I am.” The follow up questions, however, seemed to have no end. I was asked the standard high school guy questions “Can you have 16 wives?”, ”Can you masturbate?”, ”Do you get to drink?”, “Have you seen the South Park episode?”, and the like. There was one fellow, a more collected and seemingly mature young man, asked a more respectful question. “So, what makes you guys different from Christians?”
This is a question I had been asked many times in the past, and one that is always a little awkward to answer. “Well, we are Christians.”
This always gets a brief laugh, and then the more intense questions begin. So here is what I believe, as written in the Articles of Faith, a collection of 13 short statements that abbreviate our beliefs, much the same way the 10 commandments was a succinct collection of commandments. However, following each article, I will give my own beliefs regarding it.
One: We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.
                I believe that I am literally Heavenly Fathers spirit child, and that everyone is a child of God. He loves each of us beyond our comprehension, so much so that he sent his only begotten son on this earth, Jesus, for us (to be explained in Article Three), and gives us the ability to have the Holy Ghost to guide us in our lives.
Two: We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgressions.
                When we are born, we are not born with original sin. We will be judged for what we have done, with knowledge. Child, being completely ignorant, cannot be held accountable. Those who have been taught the Gospel are held more accountable than those who have not, and we will be judged based on our decisions with relation to our knowledge.
Three: We believe that through the atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.
                It is only through Christ’s atoning sacrifice and God’s grace that we are able to repent of our sins and return to Heaven. We will be fairly judged, and how we lived our lives, practiced faith, and honestly repented will determine our salvation.
Four: We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the Gift of the Holy Ghost.
                In order to be converted, we must first have a faith in Christ, a working faith that will guide our decisions. Next, we must repent of the sins we have committed, and absolve ourselves with Christ. We must then be baptized, fully immersing ourselves under water, and rising up, symbolic of our death and rebirth through Christ. Last, we are given the Gift of the Holy Ghost, a constant companion of those that are worthy that can guide and direct us as we go through this world, speaking to us in a still, small voice. This is the process of true conversion, and by continuing to heed the promptings of the Holy Ghost, we can lived a righteous life.
Five: We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and administer the ordinances thereof.
                All those that are ordained to teach and direct in the Church are called of God through prayer. These people have been appointed by those that have authority, who ask God for guidance.
Six: We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth.
                Our church is organized the same way that Christ had organized his church when he was on the earth. We have a Prophet, responsible for the world wide church and every person on the earth. He is supported by Apostles, local authorities in Stake Presidents and Bishops who work with members in more and more local areas, teaching, guiding, and assisting all those that are under their care.
Seven: We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth.
                Through the gift of the Holy Ghost and through the Priesthood, we have the power to be inspired to understand languages we do not know and be understood by those who do not speak our language. We can also receive revelation pertaining to our authority (Mothers for their family, the prophet for the Church, Bishop for his ward, etc.).
Eight: We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God. 
                The Bible was written by Prophets of God, and we read and study it as doctrine. Te Book of Mormon is also written by Prophets of God, and testifies of His glory and Christ’s sacrifice for us. These writings work together to teach and guide us in our lives.
Nine: We believe all that God has revealed, all that he does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.
                God has given us personal revelation through prayer and fasting, and also authorities that can receive revelation pertaining to our lives that can direct us to paths of happiness and righteousness.
Ten: We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory.
                All those who accept the Gospel are adopted into the Abrahamic Covenant made in the Book of Genesis. We will receive and inheritance of the Kingdom of God, and shall be blessed. In the last days, we shall be gathered and Christ will return, brining about a time without temptation when Satan will have no power upon the earth.
Eleven: We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, and what they may.
                In the US, we have been blessed to live in a country where we have freedom of religion. Though we believe heartily in missionary work, we respect those that wish to worship otherwise. When I leave on my mission, I will be working every day to LEARN the Gospel, so that I can TEACH the Gospel. The better I understand it, the better I will live my life. I will not be working on conversion rates, but on teaching others, and listening to their questions so that I can help make my world better.
Twelve: We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.
                We live in this world, and follow the laws of the land. We do not speed, murder, import cocaine, etc.
Thirteen: We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul- We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.
                We attempt to live our lives that best exemplify the example set by Christ, working toward perfection each day so that we can have as happy and blessed a life we can here and in the afterlife.
 These are just the bare basics of the principles of my beliefs. There is so much more that I strive to learn and know, and so much I fall short in.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

How does she know, you love her? How does she know, she's yours?

I now want to watch Enchanted again, but Youtube is sucking.
Watched the Season 3 season finale for Lie to Me tonight. It was touching. At the very end of the episode, Cal's daughter asked him a very touching question, which got me thinking. (For those who want to see it and haven't stop reading now, and skip ahead to where it says CONTINUE ADVENTURE ON PAGE 9)

Emily, the daughter, asked Cal if he loved Foster, his close co-worker and friend. He responded easily with a yes, at which point Emily prodded with a more pressing "do you REALLY love her?" type question. He paused before saying that he did indeed love her. Emily looked confused for a moment, then asked what he was waiting for, meaning why he hadn't tried to pursue anything with her. Cal simply said he didn't know.

CONTINUE ADVENTURE ON PAGE 9
                                                                                                                                                      Page 9
I am in a similar point in my life. There are things that I know I want, that I know are in my power to reach for and work for, but that I continue to put off. Now I'm not saying I need to profess my love for someone, but I have been in that situation, and I was scared. To segue, when it comes to the fairer sex, I have no courage whatsoever. I have found that I can flirt shamelessly, and yet if it is a girl that I genuinely like, I lock up. I have trouble telling them anything about how I like them, and even, at times, get more bullying than usual in an attempt to cover up my true feelings. (bullying in the sense that I like to point out something that I actually like, insult it, and then apologize emphatically while giving them an actual compliment to it)
In other aspects of my life, I have yet to reach out to the Green Bay Packers and ask for an internship in their scouting department, or quality control, or statistics scribe, whatever. I mean, I REALLY want to work for the Packers, in most any aspect that was available to me. But instead, I apply for things I don't want to do, because if I got turned down for something I wanted, it would hurt too much. If I didn't accomplish what I didn't really want to do, meh. Whatever.
I guess, Lightman and I have something in common: neither of us want to lose the thing we care most about. But if I don't go for that job, I know I will never get it. So why not go for it? I have a good chance... Right?

Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

The other night, I fell asleep to rain on m roof, and this morning I woke up to it. There is a steady, cold drizzle falling on Sheboygan, and I generally love these days. In the hot summer, a rainy day was a wonderful day for a run, and an amazing day for a game of ultimate frisbee. My best game ever was this past summer during a pouring rain. I dove for 6 scores and slid a combined 80 feet after the catch. Great day. Two of my most memorable practices from high school cross country involved rain. One, a Wednesday freshman year, was cancelled because we had enough wind and rain to lean at a 45 degree angle into the wind without falling down... until the wind cut out quickly. Then you had better catch yourself, or your face would. The other was my junior year, and Woody Hanson came back for a practice. We did a rabbit run through Evergreen. It was the only time I had not caught someone in a rabbit.
Days like this bring an element of peace to me. The sound of rain is comforting, and reminds me of my Scottish heritage. And these days, I begin to think about where I will serve my mission. With over 350 missions in 162 countries, I am really in a guessing game as to where I will be from early 2012 through the same time 2014. When I start thinking, I start drifting off into what it could be like, and where I would like to go. Disclaimer: I do not know the exact limits of certain missions, but these are the broad and/or specific places I would like to be... which probably means I won't go to any of these places.
#1 Alaska: A land of incredible natural beauty with mountains, snow, and very little sunlight, I have wanted to go to Alaska ever since my friend Mark Palenske told me he would take me if I set a school running record.
#2 New Zealand: Another area with rolling hills and mountains, swathes of seemingly untouched wilderness. It doesn't hurt that they play rugby and filmed Lord of the Rings here.
#3 Scotland: I have wanted to run the highlands since first seeing Braveheart in 1996. The land is a rugged and wondrous place, and I have wanted to see if I could blend my phoney Scottish accent successfully with the real guys. Wearing a kilt on my mission would be a huge bonus.
#4 Ireland or England: Countries that I have either had an innate connection with (The Isle), or have simply immersed myself in the history of (England) to the point where I want to visit both. Living there for two years and hearing the history from the people themselves would appeal to the historian in me.
#5 Italy or France: I count myself a romantic, and being able to travel to the two countries I consider the root of romanticism and learn a language that I have wanted to learn for years would appeal greatly to my softer side.
#7 Middle East: I'm not sure where I would want to be specifically, but probably Israel, or Saudi Arabia. Israel because of the great amount of religious history, and also the locations of such political strife from the Egyptians invading, the Babylonians, the Greeks, Romans, and eventually the armies of Europe, Mongolian hordes on the doorstep, Ottaman Turks, etc. Saudi Arabia because I would love to learn to learn to speak Arabic, a seemingly beautiful and flowing verbal and written language.
#8 Eastern Europe: The entire region is littered with mountains and a people as tough as the land. Also, my former boss, and friend, wants me to go there and meet a mutual friends sister and marry her. Not exactly in my plans, but I would be remiss to omit this.
#9 West Virginia: Sorry Brando, but the countryside is all rolling hills and mountains, good weather from what I saw, and close to so much history that I studied in my civil war immersion.
#10 Utah: I know, but I haven't ever been to Utah, so I figure a two year stint there could do me well. Plus, it is a GORGEOUS state, voted the most beautiful area of the US by my former Middle Eastern History professor.
Well, that rolls up my top  10 (12 if you split 4 and 5 into two each, and about 25 depending on how many Eastern European and Middle Eastern countries you count), and I honestly do not know where I am going. All I can do is prepare myself to be ready when m name is called.
Where do YOU think I will be going?

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

There is no I in team... but winning team has TWO i's... just like your face!

I witnessed a great offensive performance by the Lutheran High School Girl's Volleyball team tonight. They easily outplayed Green Lake, winning handily in two games. Well done.
While watching this game, I focused intently on the gameplay, partly in an effort to ignore the lack of pants that volleyball players wear now. After the game, I realized that I was so impressed with how well they played that I didn't have to try to watch the game. After the first point, I was locked in. I noticed how easily, and quickly, and uniformly the teammates swarmed to, and from, the ball on a number of plays. They seemed to know each other well enough that much of the time they did not even appear to use verbal communication. They worked together with devastating efficiency.
Now I love watching many sports, and I have seen LeBron dominate a court, Pujols smash wins for the Cards, Barry Sanders carry the Lions for years (no wonder he retired early. Have you ever tried carrying a whole football team on your back?), track athletes win state school titles by themselves, swimmers breaking records to make up for teammates less than glamorous relay splits, etc. But I have never seen a single person dominate a volleyball court (excluding sand, here). Tonight I witnessed a truly team oriented sport. Now I know Wilt Chamberlain wouldn't have scored 100 without four other guys on the wood, and CJ2K needed somebody in front of him, but for the most part, they are very replaceable guys around true Stars (note the capitalization).
Two years ago, I watched the national title game for NCAA DIV I Women's Volleyball. It was sweet to watch them fluidly move around the net, surround the ball while moving key teammates to the corners and net, mixing feints with spikes, and moving up blockers while keeping the open spots covered... two years later, I still remember watching that in the Horse and Plow.
In everything we do with others, there is an element of trust with everyone else involved. I trust my sister to be compelled in most things that she does, except for eating, doing dance/kickboxing aerobics, and drawing. I trust my friends to not push me to drink, smoke, or any unclean thing when we go out, and they trust me to help keep them safe if they do decided to engage in aforementioned activities. My mom trusts my dad to clean the kitchen if he didn't do his other responsibilities, and to attempt to clean the garage every year for her b-day. But The QB trusts the tackles to block, pitcher trusts the outfielders, who trust the pitcher, and the professional bowler trusts his bowling ball.
These girls seem to trust each other whole heartedly on that court. I fully expect a state championship, and maybe even a repeat performance next year. Thank you for showing me how perfectly people can operate when they are in tune, and good luck Thursday night!!

Monday, October 17, 2011

"He was a pimp'' ''I was a pimp" -The Other Guys

That was a revelation for Allen Gamble. Terry Hoitz had been telling him since Allen's past had been uncovered that he was a pimp, not running a simple dating service. He was a pimp, and a very successful one, I gather.
Have you ever realized that you weren't who you thought you were? Maybe somebody broke the glass on the fact that you have an affinity for using like in every sentence, chewing with you mouth open, making snide comments about the people who walk past, or not passing the ball in a pick up game of 3-on-3. Maybe you have a tendency to forget to clean the bathroom when it is your turn in the rotation, don't put in an equal effort on a group project, or talk during movies, telling everyone who hasn't watched the movie to 'Watch this.'
I think I may talk football too much. Sorry if you don't like it. I also talk Ryan Reynolds, clothes, musicals, and Ryan Reynolds, if that is your fancy. I also have a condition where I fall asleep if I am comfortable, so if you see my eyes fluttering in a conversation, it's not you, it's me. I tell stories of other people, cause I have few about myself that I find entertaining, so my stories almost always start with "I have a friend who..." Additionally, I never come up with original plans, and never make a certain decision. You will here a lot of 'sure,' 'I can do that,' and 'I don't know' from me if we are making plans. I also have trouble giving an honest opinion.
I have my faults, and recognize many of them. Now, I haven't voiced (keyboarded?) all of them here, but I do try and work on these shortcomings. I know that I will never be perfect, but I know I want to be, so I  try and work on it every day. Please help me. Politely point things out to me that I can work on, especially if you are willing to help me with it if I ask.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

may the force be with you. always.

Time to reference another show I have been streaming via netflix: Psych.
It is funny, entertaining, rather immature, and has a wonderful, cute, and quirky love story. Last night, I watched the episode with the high school reunion with Rachel Leigh Cook. Gus had been voted most likely to succeed in high school, and his former classmates looked down on him for being less than what they projected him to be, and he got down on himself because of their opinions.
I have never really had any goals for myself. There have been things I wanted to do; write a book, climb a mountain, track down a deer through the woods and a run, break 4.7 in the 40 yard dash, learn how to dance (both ballroom and break), sing a song without going off key. I never had any real expectations when it came to my professional future, though.
Part of my job with Associated Bank is demoing samples for Festival Foods. A former teacher came by and we chatted for a little bit while she sample the potato salad, and a few days later, she came by again, this time while I was in the bank itself. She looked surprised, then relieved. She told me that she had expected more from me than handing out free samples for a living.
Oh really? Is that so? You judging me?!?!? I have hardly ever pushed myself, never actually planned ahead, and the closest I have come to real five-year plan is "I think I will be alive at that point... not sure what i'll be doing, though!"
I think this is typical of many people. Feel free to tell me if you have, but I know very few people who go all the way through college without once changing their major (even if they revert back to their original major) and then never change careers after that. During freshman orientation at SNC, I was told the average person changing careers, not jobs, 6 times. What good is a five-year plan if you are going to be changing careers every five years, and jobs at an even more rapid rate? Why plan ahead if the best laid plans are going to be changed by outside forces?
I have learned to simply try and control my life in a way that is in accord with Alcoholic Anonymous; One Day At A Time. I have an AA coin in my wallet, and repeat the serenity prayer at times when I am feeling weak or unimportant. I have acquired a list of the 12 steps and have worked to follow them. I make plans with a long term goal (for me that is a month), but work to get through each 24 hour span to make it a victory. I have to make conscious efforts to accomplish my goals each day, whether it be homework, school work, work work, scripture study, working out, or blogging. I am not the type of person who makes a goal, and then follows it through to the end. I don't have the drive and determination. I don;t have that willpower.
Because of THAT, I am scared. I am about to put myself in a position where I will be dedicating myself to two years of missionary work. I know for a fact that the Gavin Strawn that has walked the sidewalks of St. Norbert College and run CC at North High and played Ultimate Frisbee at Field of Dreams cannot accomplish this daunting task. That guy just doesn't have it in him to do this. But I know that guy will be helped.
The Holy Ghost has been given to me that I might be able to draw strength from the Lord when I ask in faith and with righteous desires. I know that with help from Heavenly Father, I can be successful in anything that I set out to do. When I turn myself over to the work, and put forth the effort to humble myself, to make myself a vessel for the Spirit, then I will be able to do things that I never dreamed possible.
It is in humility that I can find strength, and it is in the Lord that I will find peace. I just have to make each day a goal, and live one day at a time.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

The truth is written on all our faces -Cal Lightman

Anyone who hasn't seen Lie to Me, I highly recommend it. It is a fun blend of loose science, fairly realistic office romance, and a main character whose narcissism drives him to be far more confrontational than is necessary. I absolutely love it.
Cal Lightman, played by Tim Roth (one of the more underrated actors in the world in my opinion), studies microexpressions; the brief twitches of the muscles in peoples faces that reveal the truth that only those specially trained can hide or alter. He uses his skills to read people, discover what they are lying about, and then work to uncover the truth. He is employed by politicians, the FBI, CIA, and private institutions in business, academia, etc. What Lightman does on the side, however, is screen every single boy who attempts to get close to his daughter, nose into his co-workers affairs, and terrorize local gyro stands. He reads everyone, whether he is getting paid/asked to or not. He reads every emotion that crosses their face, and judges them and criticizes them, and maybe even, if he is feeling overwhelmingly charitable, comforts them.
The reason I bring this up is because A) I have been streaming three seasons of the show for the last week with my dad, and B) because I cannot express myself in words and a times wish that I could be read like a book.
I made a trip up to school this week, compliments of my friend and her willingness to drive 68 miles (136 round) twice, and I was able to talk with a number of dear friends. In one particular conversation, I found out that one of my friends reminded me of me; she can't express herself effectively. Through a series of halting and repetitious statements, I found that her feelings on feelings matched my feelings on feelings... and if I write feelings one more time I am sure someone is going to demand my Man Card, and then offer me a Miller Lite 16oz aluminum can.
I am also streaming a series of Josh Groban songs, which does nothing to help my status as a man. I also want to watch jersey boys, hairspray, and Phantom of the Opera (starring Gerard Butler). I have insane amounts of difficulty being able to fully understand and then explain my feelings, but these things, this popular media, helps me. I know that touching, haunting, and Scots-Irish music make me shiver and tear up. I know that Romantic comedies get me. I know that if I simply try and describe the last scene of Last of the Mohicans to someone, I shrivel inside thinking of the pain, anguish, fear, and loss of a father witnessing his son's murder his son, and a women seeing her sister throw herself to her death, resigned to believing everything was lost, and I cannot stop myself from shaking with sobs, and wiping the tears from my face. I know that Miracle, Remember the Titans, and Rudy all make me want to work harder than I ever have to accomplish something amazing. I know that I have been touched by the spirit at so many keep points in my life, and I have been guided and directed by a still, small voice that displays far more patience with me than I have ever displayed for anything, and without that guidance, I would be lost. My chest tightens when I disappoint those that had expectations  for me or were relying on me. I cannot put these things into words without much preparing ahead of time what I am going to say. All I know at the moment is variations of heat and color that I feel within myself.
I now know from first hand experience that I am not alone with an inability to voice how I feel. I can reference it at times, but to flat out be able to tell someone how I feel is no where near one of my qualities. I am shy, and when it comes to how I feel, I will add reserved and quiet. My smile may mask my pain, and my tears are often that of joy. I don't know how to tell you how I feel, or how to fully express it. I apologize if this shortcoming has ever affected any of you, but it's who I am, and I am trying to get better at communicating. I just hope we can all have patience for those who can't find the words, and also patience for those who seem to never run out of words... or maybe we should all train to be microexpression experts.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Pork, mother. PORK!

Keeping to my word, I will tell you all about my mother's cooking.
The other night, I had traded hours with someone so instead of working the morning shift until afternoon, I worked the morning shift until close. I had a number of plans for that evening that included making hummus, cooking chicken, making dinner... well, a lot with food. So when my mom texted me asking if I wanted a ride home or if I wanted to run, I accepted the ride. I was tired and a little annoyed when my mom got to festival, but we did a quick walk through of the store looking for good sales (89 cents for shampoo and conditioner, and buy 2 ice cream sandwich boxes and save $7), and then we went home. I walked in, and a beautiful wafted over me. As it turns out, mom used the extra hours that I was away at work to cook up last weeks sale items (pork chops and squash). I looked at the chops, and my mouth started to water, and I was even craving the squash a little bit (but refused to admit that). We piled it all up on wild rice, and I took my first bite.
Now anyone who has cooked pork understands the difficulty of finding a balance between dry and pink. You don't want it either. My mom had nailed it. It was actually JUICY, and the meat was all white. That first bite sent heaven seeping into my taste buds. The rim of fat had a slight burn to it, just enough to give it a firm texture, and it was soaked with flavor. I ate a pound and a half of pork that night.
Between moans reminiscent of "What about Bob," I was able to ask my mom what in the world she had done to make a dinner that would make Thor sit back and bellow out his appreciation, and if I could have the recipe. She blushed a little, and said she just made it up as she went along. Needing the recipe, I quickly questioned her so that she would be able to remember what she had done. We pieced together that she had made a vinaigrette marinade, and had soaked the pork chops for a little bit, then pan seared them in a white wine (with the vinaigrette) just enough to tough the outside a little, then thrown the whole pan in the oven to cook for a bit.
Good enough. We would be able to has out the details later, but I had a rough idea on how to make the greatest meal I have ever tasted. I don't think I have ever eaten out, and not preferred my mother's variation of the dish. She is spectacular. Shrimp and chicken jambalaya, pineapple and red onion foccacia, three cheese frittata, bacon spaghetti carbonara, chicken and dumplings, soft biscuits with a sausage saw mill gravy,  juicy chicken teriyaki, Polish meat balls, and her deserts and even sandwiches just knock every thing else out of the park. The only thing I have ever had that is close to it is Il Ritrovo, and eating at Big Sal's house when visiting in-laws. He makes the best parmesen chicken.
I would love to be a food and mattress critic. It would be the perfect job for me, except for one small thing. The review would read "Bard's pork would make you go 'mmmmmm. OH!!!' and the squash would bring a 'wow!' to your lips.' I don't think that is what they are looking for. But I absolutely love food, and I am not overly picky. There are definitely things I don't want to eat, but I have grown a taste for previously shoved aside foods such as spinach and bell peppers. But buffets, all day breakfasts, old style burger joints, Italian restaurants, and my mom's cooking all make me happy. Culvers, McDonalds, and Wendy's make me happy, even though I know the food probably (understatement) isn't good for me, but it tastes good, because it is how McDonalds is SUPPOSED to taste.
I can't cook like my mother, but I want to learn how. If I could serve up dishes half as well as my mom, I will have a happy household... and I would probably become the most popular missionary in my district.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Mr Frodo!!

So here is the dealio. I have not read the entire book "The Fellowship of the Ring." I was maybe 50 pages from the end when I put it down, never to finish it. I remember reading that a dark cloud flew over head, and Legolas freaked out about it, but then I stopped. I don't know why I didn't finish, but I do regret that a little bit... so now I have to read the whole series in order.
I have lived my life without regretting too much. I do regret not taking chances that were fairly risk free, but I was still too chicken to do them. I regret accidentally giving Preston Pond a bloody nose right before Sunday Evening Discussion. I regret making an AIDs joke to a man who turned out to be gay. I regret not dedicating myself to a single thing in my life, because I was so afraid of failing that I refused to commit so that I could never know that my best wasn't good enough, because that would hurt too much.
This isn't at all what I was planning on writing about when I started typing tonight. I was going to talk about my mom's wonderful pork chops (tomorrow, I promise). Instead, I am realizing that I do regret things in my life. As of right now, if I had it to do over, I would make changes. I have yet to reach that point where I am afraid of losing the great things in my life by going back and changing my mistakes. I don't have a beautiful marriage with a wonderful wife and children, or that perfect job that allows me to work 25 hours a week and still make bank. So as of right now, I can look back at life and say 'crap... shoulda done that different.'
I was talking to my mom at dinner tonight (SUCH PORK CHOPS!!!), and she joked that I need a pre-mission bucket list. I instantly started rattling off a plethora of things I always wanted to do, but didn't. I want to take a chance, and attempt to accomplish these things before I leave. So if you get a random text or call from me in the near future, just know that you are on my bucket list.

Monday, October 10, 2011

soooooo precious!

The other day, I was biking home from work, and there was a young mother with her 4 year old daughter waiting at the intersection to cross the street. Also waiting (aside from me, your narrator) was a large truck with a man behind the wheel making awkward yelling noises that did not match up with the lyrics of the music blaring overly loud from his sound system. As soon as his light turned green, he screeched off hooting. The mom began to walk across the street, and calmly spoke to her daughter. "Did you her that man yelling and making all that noise?" she asked. The girl nodded and asked "Why did he do that?". The mom told her with a perfectly straight face "Because he is really just a little boy." I didn't stop laughing until I got home.
These are the small and simple joys in laugh that I don't remember often enough. Such wonderfully, lighthearted moments that are pure and beautiful. Children and their loving and easy going parents at such peaceful moments are a thing that we can each aim to cherish and hold dear to our hearts.
It is not just these times shared between loved ones. We can watch the sunrise, taking photos and drawing pictures, however poorly they are done. We can run through the most serene place we can find, reveling in the solitude of abandoning the hustle and bustle and the demands of the world behind. We can immerse ourselves in the reading of stories, both new and classical. We can drive till the tank empties, meditate, climb a mountain, listen to music for hours on end, jump in a pile of leaves, build a snowman, fly a kite, do yoga, go swimming, build a sandcastle, plant a garden full of flowers and fruit bearing bushes, or simply drop off into a deep sleep to dream.
I spend so much of my time worrying; about money, work, being on time for meetings and appointments, classes (when i was in school), getting a PR (when i raced), trying to figure out when i could read my new book, or play football, or ultimate frisbee. Instead, I should have simply enjoyed the moments of happiness when I experienced them, and dwelled on them later when I was in less than sunny moods.
I think that Shawn Spencer, the lead character in Psych, said it wonderfully. "Take lots of pictures. Not of sights. Don't take pictures of buildings. Take pictures of moments, because that's what matters."
Find the moments that mean the most to you, and never forget them. 

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Keep on keepin on.

To open, congrats to Brian Curran and Austin Gabrielse on  completing the Chicago Marathon this year (4:05 and 3:03), and Mike Buettner for having a go as well.
In other news, I now admit that my freak out and over reaction may have been uncalled for following the packers falling into a 14-0 deficit. However, at halftime, I calmed myself realizing that 14-6 was not that bad a score given that the Packers got the ball first. 30 minutes of game time later, the Packers pull off a 25-14 victory. Dropped passes, sacks, and poor running did nothing to prevent the Green and Gold from keeping Ryan, Turner, White and Jones off the field in chunks, then force them to go down field, where the secondary finally came alive.
Going down 14-0 in the first quarter is disheartening, especially when it happened off a Grant fumble (first in 325 touches). I am pretty sure that I would be hanging my head, and feeling my feet get heavy, and my reaction time slow. I don't think I would be able to play effectively at that point. But McCarthy's team, Wisconsin's team, stood strong.
I hope that I can find that strength. Many days find me worn out, tired, angry, restless, irritable, or any of a number of other negative emotions. It takes me a great deal of time and energy to force myself into a positive light. At work, at church, or at home, I need to force myself to be happy. And that just doesn;t make any sense to me.
People like being happy. It is a positive emotion. So why do we allow ourselves to feel so negative so often. According to the economic law of utility, every decision that someone makes is made to maximize one's happiness, or minimize the expected loss (thus preserving the greatest amount of utility). So by staying angry, we are, for some reason, enjoying the anger more than the happiness. Where do we learn that? Will I teach that to my children?
I fear getting married. I am afraid of raising my children. I am scared of messing up someone else's life because I don't know what I am doing. I want to help my children be the most successful they can be. I'm nervous about having to handle a budget for mortgage, car payments,  utilities, etc., and forgetting that one check. I want to be willing to ask for help. I want my friends and family to be willing to offer their advice and help. Trust me; I will need it.
That sure is looking ahead.
More in my immediate future, I want that help and advice and support in my preparation and and service of my mission. mere months away from going away for two years, I am more nervous than I have ever been. Please, keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Down in front!

I have a split personality... of sorts. I am very quiet and shy when first interacting with people, but once I become comfortable around people, I tend to get borderline annoying. I can be loud, rambunctious, excitable, giggly, raucous, and assertive in conversation. I like to tell stories, but have trouble saying hello. I also have a problem correcting people.
so if i have annoyed you, I apologize. I generally don't realize when I cross that line.
My friend, previously mentioned as 'A' shall henceforth be known as his given name, Adam. Adam is the sort of person that I like a lot. I have always tried to follow and mimic him in some ways. He has always been a leader for me in some way or another. I have never told him, but he has been a strong influence on how I have lived my life since moving here and meeting him. In sunday school, he made me want to sing more. At scout camp, I wanted to learn to play D&D to hang out with him more. In middle school, I became more involved in video games, cause Adam played them a lot, and now I'm following him into the mission.
Adam has been a true friend since I told him we should prepare to serve together. He has offered help and guidance, and spoken to me on patience and willingness. He has been a great example for me these last few months, and I greatly appreciate the help he has extended me. It is people like Adam that help me keep faith in the human race.
To Adam, and his whole, wonderful, friendly, supportive family; thank you all.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

To be, or not to be. That is the question.

How do you become a missionary? Everyone's paths are fairly different. My went the path or denial.
I vividly remember my emotional response when I was given a picture at a priesthood meeting. It was an inspirational photo and tagline given to us in an effort to help us remember to serve a mission following high school. My response was very direct; a stifled, scoffing laugh. Even at the age of twelve, I believed wholeheartedly that I would not be serving a mission. I don't know when it had begun, but I did NOT want to spend two years in a white shirt walking around in all sorts of weather trying to get people to hear me talk to them about the gospel. I didn't want to save the money for it. I didn't want to read all the scriptures in preparation for it. I didn't want to possibly learn a new language. I just didn't really want anything to do with it.
When I was a freshman in high school, my brother Brandon broke it to us that he would be serving a mission. A few months later, after a collection of family photos that included topless brother shots, we discovered that he would be freezing to death on and off in Samara, Russia.
He opened my eyes to what serving a mission really, truly meant. It would not be Brandon teaching people. It was about his willingness to turn his life over to God for two years. My brother's service would become a symbol of faith and trust in the Lord. He was willing to put off his own life for two years with the belief that everything would be better afterwards. I would have trouble denying that. I believe that we were able to find out the extent of his health issues because of his time in Russia, and his relationship was strengthened with both his family and his wife due to service. He has become more patient and willing to work for everything within his life, both traits developed in the mission field. My brother has become a better person is every aspect of his life because of the mission.
Even though he opened the door for me, I refused to walk through. I still attended church, went to early morning seminary, and prayed and read scriptures as my testimony grew. I dodged questions of serving a mission all through my senior year, a task made more difficult following my brother's return from service on a Monday night overtime victory, Packers over Denver. You remember the one. A beautiful passed dropped over the outstreched arms of the DB, Favre to Jennings, over 80 yards on the first play of... anyway.
At the time, I was looking forward to going to school and earning a degree in teaching. I wanted to teach high school and eventually college level history. I had been a Sunday school teacher, and everyone at church told me how talented I was at connecting with people and teaching. My best friend at church refused to go a Sunday without trying to convince me that I would be wasting my talents by not handing them over to God. For years, I was lightly and lovingly heckled to do my duty and serve the Lord. For years, I hid behind my enrollment at St. Norbert College, and my already being older than the norm. I believed that I was already doing my part by surrounding myself with people who asked me questions and I gave them answers. I felt I was already being a missionary.
When I cam home for Christmas break, 2010, I  did not know what I would go through; an all night study session for an Alum v. Active seminary Scripture Mastery competition. From the time we opened our scriptures to after we closed them, every scripture we came across was directed toward me by my friends as a sign from God and the Prophets exhorting me to drop my current doings and depart as soon as possible for my tour of duty under the care of Heavenly Father.
I scoffed at it all, but it was that night that I began to really think of the blessings of service. Many of the scriptures spoke on blessings related to fulfilling our callings in this world, uplifting ourselves, bringing souls to God,how those that are compelled are slothful and unrewarded, and the like. I began to read each of these scriptures with more care, and the next day (after completely destroying the active seminary students on 2 hours of review and even less sleep), I began to brain storm on serving a mission. I still decided that I was too far into school, and with the economy the way it is I need to get a job and save for my future, and I was too old and too ignorant in the gospel... same story as before.
Less than a month later, I volunteered to apply with A. That night I began to pray for guidance of my decision. I began to pray harder than before, and took my faith more seriously. I read scriptures more diligently, actually trying to learn the scriptures instead of simply reading them. I fasted often, and found myself more in tune with the spirit. I decided to serve a mission following my graduation from college. After a short stint of time at home at the beginning of summer break, I knew that my plans were no longer relevant. I withdrew from school for the fall semester, and began looking for a full time job so that I could save money to pay for my 2 years. I met with my Bishop, worked on my papers, and am now a mere doctor visit and interview process away from sending everything in.
In a mere month, I went from normal college junior, to preparing to serve a mission, to leaving everything behind that I may more fully dedicate my whole self to that service. I have changed for the better, and will continue to work to become more in tune with the still, small voice of the spirit, that I may never be alone.

Bond. James Bond.

I have been living a lie by omition for quite some time, and yesterday, my co-worker blew my cover... I like High School Musical. I am currently listening to a playlist of all HSM songs. How ever juvenile the lyrics, performance, and plots are, as well as me being excited to watch High School Musical 2 for the first time, the music is fun, and makes me smile. And laugh.
Feels good to get that out there. I recently watched an episode of Psych the I had never seen before. It involved Juliet dating a millionaire (and once I saw those, it really made the episode with Despereaux escaping form prison make slightly more sense.) At one point, there are federal agents who are trying to find the location of one of two spies on the run, and Shawn refuses to give up the location. The millionaire, who had flown them there in his chopper and is trying to be radically honest with Juliet after lying about who he was when he first met her, instantly offers up the flight logs, pauses, and says how good it felt to get that off his chest.
There are numerous things that individuals hide from their peers... I can take this right back to HSM!!! The song Status Quo is all about people breaking out of their shells and admitting  to their involvement in activities that are contrary to the norm. It high school, I was a cross country and track runner. On the side, however, I was attending seminary, reading a book a week, going to Boy Scouts, and was also a part of Chess Club, forensics, the play, and wanted to try out for the musical each year after my freshman year. I tried my hand at romantic poetry, watched romantic comedy (ie, chick flicks) with alarming regularity, enjoyed shopping, and would spend my saturdays playing Madden Football and NCAA football for Playstation simply so that I could go through off season recruiting and contract negotiations. I would set up my Playmobils (ages 4 and up) and storm castles, or fight dragons. I would play D&D with my friends (if they were around) or my family.
So much of me were things, not hidden away, but more so just not revealed to most people. But "If Troy wants to be a singer, well then I'm coming clean." I want people to know who I am. I am a Civil war and medieval history buff who dreams of playing pro football for the Packers. I enjoy role playing games, reading, writing, singing, and romantic movies and poetry. I love romantic comedies, and have tried to write multiple books. I live coming up with story lines, but they usually get bogged down when I try and figure out the finances behind the story. I have always enjoyed working with money and budgets, but am terrible at managing my own money. I strongly believe in love, and am deeply saddened by the greed of the world. I cry during commercials and movies, but hardly ever when it comes to my own life. I love watching sports, and playing, but hesitate when given a chance to go to a game. I am extremely shy, and have a great deal of trouble asking for anything, or accepting things when they are offered. I think I may have an anger problem, and I am a poor speller. I have never been as nervous for anything as I am right now thinking about my mission. I am afraid of heights, get car sick and seasick, and still wish I had superpowers. I have only ever been on one date, and it didn't really count cause she brought her cousin. I love to dance, but really can't, and I am embarrassed when people see me. I love doing accents and want to convince people that I am from a foreign country. I fall asleep very quickly when I relax, and I believe that I may have a medical condition akin to narcolepsy. I am very afraid of having my body break down, or malfunction. Every day, I notice how many things in my life I am underachieving on, and I scares me. I like mountain dew and amp and monster, but a friend in the recovery community who was confused as to why I didn't drink coffee challenged me to stop drinking ALL forms of caffeine. I want to be better today than I was yesterday. I used to not mind being alone, but since getting to college, it has become harder for me to be isolated. I am terrible at contacting people, even if I think fondly of my memories with them. I want to learn latin. I love food. I love playing risk, trivial pursuit, disney scene it, and monopoly. I pretend Heath Ledger isn't dead, he just retired from the world.
And now I'm running late for work. Gotta go!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

dang i want some red pepper humus with guacamole!!

I bought two bags of microwavable burritos today, and they tasted better than I thought they would. The problem is that they aren't very filling, and I am still afraid to look at the nutrition facts and ingredients.
I spent much of my day today answering emails, trying to get UPS to pick up a box of delivered damaged goods, and being told that I am going to be a banker, no longer a teller, and what that all may constitute, and ended the night waiting an hour for my parents to pick me up, because I had bout dinner and didnt want to run home with it... guess they didn't love me enough to even pick up food. (cue: tears and sobbing)
During this time, I decided that I should read some more of the Book of Mormon. Unfortunately, breaking out a book while on the job, especially on the teller line, would be a little bit of a PR bomb for the bank, myself, and maybe the Church as well. Fortunately, I could spend the hours I usually spend on NFL.com and the Packers' website surfing on LDS.org and reading the scriptures on the church website. This is one of the coolest things out there. Instead of having to carry around a large, cumbersome, heavy book, I can simply bring it up online, and I can even log a journal online now. Anytime I find a scripture or talk or article that are touching, interesting, or enlightening I can keep an easily transported record on the inter web!
The more I read the scriptures and study the gospel, the more I learn from it. I can apply the things I learn from people who lived up to thousands of years ago in my own life. We have been told that the Book of Mormon was written for us in the latter-days, compiled in a way that we were more able to apply to our lives.
I have always been interested in history, and using history to plan for the future."Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it." So many generations of men and women have fallen away from the plan of salvation, have let themselves be led astray by the enticing of the evil spirit, have turned their backs on true happiness, and denied themselves the ability to live forever and eternally in the presence of our Heavenly Father.
We have been given the Bible, the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and modern Prophets. It is like having a tutor with you while you take a test. How can we be so prideful as to purposefully ignore the advice of a tutor, who happens to have the professor on the phone answering his questions. How can we be so blind as to think that we should trust another student, who has never attended a single class, what the correct answers are?
I am one doctors visit and an interview process away from sending my mission papers to Salt Lake City. I am mere months away from changing my life forever. I still have no idea where I am going, but I can't wait to go. All I can do is pray every day for guidance, direction, understanding and strength, and search the scriptures, pondering over their words and teachings.
May you all have the spirit of peace and understanding in your live, and may you find pure joy.

Monday, October 3, 2011

The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach

I have often pondered on how to make a marriage work. Half the time I am trying to figure out how it can be so hard. I mean, how often do you get in an actual argument with your best friend. The other half of the time, I am trying to figure out how 50% of people DON'T get divorced.
This might stop half of you from continuing reading this post, but I have not found the single secret to a happy and fulfilling marriage. But I found something out about relationships today. I played catch with my dad.
Now my dad is a 68 year old man with silver hair who was commonly mistaken for my grandfather, but for a man that is a multi-year starter for the AARP, he is still in pretty good physical shape. (especially when you factor in the drugs, and alcohol, and military service, and crashing into a wall with a truck, and... well, I will stop there). Now my dad played 2 years of high school football in Tennessee. He is married to a rabid Packers fan, and helped raise another rabid Packers fan, who also ends up being a rabid football fan overall, who would love to put on pads and join a team (Don't worry, this post will not also be all bout football). And today, I ran tons of hooks, short slants, some streaks, even half a dozen post routes before finishing the day with a handful of fades. My dad only threw a handful of balls farther than 12 yards (I started my streaks 15 yards behind the line of scrimmage), but I explained when each route would be run, against what coverage, and gave examples of how these tactics had been used the previous day in the Packers-Broncos game. After a mere 20 minutes, my dad told me it was the most coaching he had ever received on football.
Prior to that, I thought my dad just screamed along with his wife and son, not really knowing what was going on. Today, I learned that he had learned most everything he knew about football, aside from the obvious you want the ball in your offenses endzone, by watching the game and trying to ask questions. much of the time, I either shushed him, or rushed my answer. Today I was able to calmly explain, and demonstrate, what happens in the passing game.
And that, in a nutshell, is the secret. My passion is football, and my dad took time out of his schedule to subject his 68 year-old arm to  repetitive punishment, because it is what I wanted. He was willing to put aside his wants for the day, and work on making my 'want' a 'has.' (bad sentence?) When I asked a friend the secret to his, seemingly perfect, marriage, he told me to remember the small things, the little likes and preferences  and passions, and surprise them with it. If they like cheesy movies with chocolate ice cream, break it out for them. If they like trap shooting, take'em for a ride to the club.
I had though of all these other ideas; a bi-monthly adventure, alone time, a monthly group date night with other couples, date night alone every week, taking a vacation every year, spending time learning something new and interesting (dance, instruments, photography, a language, gardening, auto care, facial reading, massage, yoga, film, poetry, surfing, etc.), going window shopping and then for real shopping. All these things seemed like great ideas, but the one that would make them all work was1) good communication and 2) a willingness to compromise. That's why Romeo and Juliet didn't work out. Lack of communication.
I think I can compromise, simply because I am indecisive, but communication is a little harder for me. I am not at all good talking about emotions. I laugh when I want to cry (and then I cry during the google Chrome commercial with the dad eJournaling his daughter's life... sooooooo adorable). I know that there are a number of relationships I need to work on (namely with my sister), and all it should take is some taking, and compromise... and maybe a touch of bribery.
Also, if anyone else has any fun, interesting ways to keep marriages and relationships fun, happy, and exciting, please email me. gavin.strawn@gmail.com

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Do you want to be entertained? Watch the ball. Want to know who wins? Watch the line.

While watching highlights and and live feed of a number of football games this year, was able to pick up on a handful of things.
First off, Wisconsin is going to be a beast to stop. Russell Wilson has the easiest deep throw I have ever seen. He hardly steps into the throw, and his arm doesn't go back at all. His release goes from his chest immediately into a flick that sends the ball sailing 50 yards in the hands of Nick and Jared. He has benefited from a year in the minors and playing for a team that has an offensive line bigger than many NFL teams, and a two headed monster at the running back position that limits coverage down field. Montee Ball plays stronger than he looks, and fights for extra yardage the way we all hoped John Clay would have last year. Abbrederis needs to put on some weight and may become the next Jordy Nelson, and Nick Toon as developed into a good deep threat.
For BYU, they need to find an offense. Last year they worked on a Quarterback by committee, and it didn't turn out too well. This year, Jake Heaps has not gotten the offense going (topping out at 24 points in a game and and average of 16 a game). Riley Nelson performed well in place of Heaps, but must cut his hair. When I applied to BYU, hair could not touch the collar of a button up shirt, or cover your ears. Receivers got lucky getting to the ball at the right time, and Utah lost the game after BYU gave it to them. They are averaging barely over 300 yards a game, allowed over 350 per game, seem to be lacking speed all around, and have not had a consistent performance for four quarters on either side of the ball.
Then there is Green Bay. Rodgers stands tall in the pocket, and always has his eyes down field, his feet are moving, and he is willing to take a hit to make a run or wait for a play in the secondary. The performance of the interior line was good today, but both Clifton and Newhouse allowed pressure to reach Rodgers and Starks (though they were up against an elite pass rushing duo). Starks showed flashes of playmaking ability that we saw in the post season, but at other times seems hesitant. Once he creates space, he becomes a different player than when he is bottled up. Cobb once again showed his ability to find an opening, but also demonstrated his lack of home-run speed. Jordy caught another big touchdown, and never even needed to hit top gear. He didn't start sprinting until he angled to the sideline, turning Brian Dawkins' hips out, and then cut back in, but actually had to slow down to a jog in order to allow Rodgers' pass to hit him in stride. No qualms here. Untouched, TD, and then a recovered onside kick for good measure. Jennings continues to run great routes and find openings, Driver goes to work every game, and Jones continues to be hit or miss (a great TD catch and then off his hands high for an INT [btw, not a catch. the nose of the ball hits the ground before his hands even touch the ball]).
On the defense, we have a number of players in the secondary that can make plays on the ball, and that leads to big plays... for both teams. Woodson undercut a route for a pick six, Morgan Burnett bites on a play fake for a deep pass that leads to a touchdown, Decker is left in one-on-one coverage deep for a beautifully thrown ball outside of coverage, then Bishop cases down the play from behind for a forced fumble, Shields uses his speed to catch up to an underthrown ball after biting on the double move that Lloyd had used to carve them up underneath, and the defensive line was left alone a great number of times. However, the underneath routes to tight ends and running backs were mostly eliminated, allowing better rushing lanes to McGahee ( who is very difficult to bring down), but overall a good performance. Matthews, though once again without a sack, ate up blockers all day, and pressured Orton into a number of hasty throws. It's like when Aaron Kampman was moved to a 3-4 OLB, and people said it wasn't working. It was. Kampman drew blockers and cut off running lanes and pressured the QB, allowing everyone else a chance to make the big plays. I like the turnovers, but the coverage needs to tighten up and play the man before playing the ball, eliminating the explosive plays (Green Bay had allowed 21 in the first four games, meaning 5 plays of 20 or more yards a game).
Other NFL teams are surprising. Darren McFadden, who I thought was a jacked behemoth coming out of college, was unimpressive as a rookie, a proven starter last year, and has already been titled as an up and comer in the the ranks of the best back in the NFL. Tom Brady continues to throw the ball around, and his running game does just enough to take up and extra defender in run spy, allowing Brady an open receiver. Stafford to Johnson is a combination that scares me, and I do NOT look forward to trying to cover that come Thanksgiving. I am glad that Houston has forgotten how to lose in the fourth, and Arian Foster combining with Ben Tate will be a dangerous duo, especially when paired with Schaub-Johnson, and Johnathon Joseph taking advantage of pressure created by JJ Watt and Mario Williams.
Now to talk about my least favorite topic; Cam Newton. Though I don't like him, he plays well, and is quick, big, and strong. He can make all the throws (if he has time he can even make them accurately), and he is a beast trying to take down. He shows determination and guts... but I just can't cheer for him... or the Eagles. Keep on losing, just for me. And Vick; the next time you think you are treated unfairly, watch Rodgers get knocked around, or Sanchez get walloped, or Andy Dalton getting his head knocked in. Which reminds me; stop calling Suh for roughing the passer. The ball barely got out of there when Romo got hit (And Romo takes a lot of hits, too).
To sum up, I am so darned happy that it is football season, the Vikings are 0-4, and Ohio State can't even seem to find the endzone with a map.
(And then there are the Brewers... I know they have won a lot lately (included the NL Central title), but I am not a baseball fan... sorry. But it looks like they should advance in the playoffs for the first time in 29 years!)

Saturday, October 1, 2011

In the day and age of '16 and pregnant' and 'teen mom,' should we really follow Nike's motto?

This evening, I had the privilege of attending a meeting where I listened to the Prophet, as well as other prominent members of my religion, speak to us directly through a world-wide, satellite teleconference. It is a truly spectacular experience. We are blessed with hearing the mouth piece of the Lord speak to us regarding today's issues, giving to us guidance and direction that we may be able to live a life of worthiness and true, eternal, and everlasting happiness.
Thomas S. Monson, Prophet, Seer, and Revelator, spoke directly to thousands assembled in the building with him, as well as thousands upon thousands of others gathered in church buildings around the world. And yet, with his message going out to all these hundreds of thousands of men, I felt that his message, as well as the messages of each of the other five speakers, spoke directly to me.
How glorious that I can be given direction from God in this day and age; a day and age when the popular concepts of what constitutes morality have diminished so greatly; where those select few who are actually religious are seen as strangers and odd balls and old fashioned and unbelievers of science; a period of history where I feel, at times, lost and alone in the world. But whenever I feel alone, I can pray for comfort and guidance, and feel the spirit of the Lord.
Of all the things in this Church, one of the things that most amazes me is the acts of selflessness that so many people demonstrate. I have spent most of my young adult life caring for an elderly women in my congregation to the point where I may even love her more than my own grandmother. She taught my Sunday school lessons for 2 years, and I have helped care for her farm house, and now her much more domesticated house for 10 years. I have spent countless hours mowing her lawn, shoveling her walk ways, cleaning her garage, helping her garden, planting trees, going grocery shopping with her, stacking firewood, painting, assembling shelves and peg board walls, organizing her basement, working on her windows, caring for her cats, taking out her garbage... and all that I know that I have asked from her in return is the recipe for a scrumptious, yet terrifyingly unhealthy, dessert she affectionately calls Fungus Cookies, so named by her son because "they grow on you." I would also like to make a pitch for her wonderful Volvo when she no longer has need for it, but that seems far to insensitive a topic to bring up.
I have devoted much of my life to service toward this wonderful, optimistic, caring women, and I believe that I do love her. "Love thy neighbor as thyself" we are told. Well, truth be told, I find loving her easier than loving myself at times. She has never led me astray, or let me explore twisted and dark paths that lead to transgression. She has only ever inspired me to want to live in a way that I may be with her in heaven.
In loving her, I learn first hand what charity, the pure love of Christ, really is.
Another that I love is a former Young Men's leader who calmly and affectionately promised us the blessings that could be ours if we dared to strive for them. Through stories of his own life, and being a part of it, I have learned what comes of following the teachings of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Happiness seems to simply permeate from his house, and spread to all those who step within their walls. Their family is a joyous group of smiling faces at the supermarket, and their spirit touches all those who come in contact with them. Through his easy going ways, he helped convinced me to go on a mission by answering my questions, and then letting me decide. He did not prod, did not pester or attempt to entice me to go. He simply planted the seeds, and let the spirit do the rest. I thank him for his patience, and thank him for his example.
These two individuals are amazing examples of how to live a Christ like life. They are generous in word and deed, and live the gospel in their daily lives. I am thankful that the Church has brought these people into my life, that the spirit is able to guide me in my daily activities, and that I have the opportunity to help spread that Gospel of love, joy, and happiness to the world.
I can bear witness that I feel the love of my Heavenly Father, and the mercies of His plan of Salvation that allow me to return to the glories and eternal wonder of and everlasting life with Him who sent me here. I feel joy at the simplicity of repentance, and feel sorrow mingled with elation whenever I dwell on the sacrifice that Jesus went through to atone for our sins, in providing a way that we might be able to become clean, and unstained.
I believe wholly that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true and everlasting church of God, and was restored to the earth by Joseph Smith, who was an inspired prophet and leader for this generation. I believe that the Book of Mormon was translated through divine inspiration by the prompting of the Holy Ghost and that it is the defining text by which we should base our gospel learning around. I believe that Christ will one day come again, and bring about the resurrection of the dead, and what will follow will be eternal life. I believe that my local authorities are loving and gracious men and women who sacrifice so much to teach me and support me that my life can be made better.