I have not posted anything in a while, mainly because I have not had a string of thoughts that is related enough to make any semblance of a cohesive post. My mind has been very chaotic, and my thoughts are as connected as one bubble to another; all originating from the same place, but each one an individual. So please, accept my apology now for what will be a very Pratchett-esque style of writing.
Speaking of Pratchett, I have recently begun reading a book of his that I have not read previously. I am again struck by the unconventional comedy and loose writing style of dear Terry. Anyone who enjoys a good laugh while reading should pick up Pratchett and give it a go. His best books mostly pertain to the realm of Discworld; a celestial lump similar in shape to a pizza, if pizza were thousands of miles across and had a mountain stabbing upwards from the very middle of your meal. This world is supported on the backs of four elephants (giant elephants, to be more specific; a normal foursome of elephants could not hold up the world), who stand on the back of the great turtle A’tuin (I’ll let you guess his adjective pertaining to size). Characters range from Humans, Dwarfs, Trolls, Werewolves, Humans raised by Dwarfs, Vampires, Elves, a three legged dog who doesn’t bark, but says ‘bark’ or ‘woof’ instead, witches, The Wee Free Men (a violent, vulgar, and blue-tattooed race about 6 inches tall), and Gods. His books are full of satire, wit, a brandishing of vulgarities, snippets of what really goes through people’s heads, and intrigue. He is far and away one of my favorite authors.
Back to the gridiron. Pick your adjective for how Aaron Rodgers is playing; Accurate, Awesome, Comical, Elite, Epic, Great, Inspiring, Superb, Surgical, Tremendous, Unreal, Zany. The only knock against him is how many times he has been taken down behind the line, but I will take 23 sacks if it means fewer interceptions, more long plays, and a run when he breaks contain. His QB rating this season is nearly 10 points ahead of any other… IN HISTORY! He hasn’t had a QB rating under 110 since the NFC Championship game against Chicago. Starks, and Grant, are keeping defenses honest. Bishop is stepping up in a new role, the team leader in tackles and tied for sacks, and Peprah is making more plays with 4 picks. Capers got creative, not with Matthews, but with Woodson. Look how that turned out (less than 190 pass yards allowed, Matthews with 2 sacks, Peterson held to his second worse game of the year). When Cobb gets his hands secured on the ball, he is dangerous. When Jordy is one-on-one with a DB, he can beat him more often than not. Driver is still a player. Three Packers O-lineman were selected in the Top 100 players in the NFL. Kuhn is playing like Spencer Havner was a few years back; he tends to score when he gets the ball (4 TDs on 18 touches). Vic So’oto got in the game. Flynn moved into a tie for second place on the team in rushing touchdowns (Starks had one against NO, and Rodgers is tied with Kuhn at two apiece). Sam Shields gave a crucial block on Cobb’s TD return. Jarrett Bush and Pat Lee gunned downfield on punt coverage and forced the returner into more bodies, limiting return yards. We held our coverage on the flea flicker this time. Raji, knowing he lacks the speed to chase down Ponder, sat back on a screen, taking away the passing lane thereby preventing the completion. This team played championship quality football last night.
Now, to diet. I have been eating microwavable burritos like they are going out of style. I ate two boxes of Little Debbie treats (one of each Zebra Cakes and Cosmic Brownies) and drank a half gallon of chocolate milk in a 4 hour shift at work. I devoured half a bag of M&Ms last night to go along with a whole platter of chips and dip and polished off a two-liter of ginger ale. Something needs to change, especially if I am to be wearing my Speedo at the alumni swim meet in a little over a month. Here is the plan. Increase my consumption of hummus, eggs, chicken, salsa, cottage cheese (BLEAH!!!), asparagus, cauliflower, broccoli, and spinach and decrease my consumption of… basically everything I buy when I am on break while at Festival Foods. Couple that with an abs, shoulder, lat, and back focused workout with body weight, kettle bells, and swimming, and I should be in shape for the meet.
Finances; I have taken to leaving my debit card at home when I go out. No matter how I budget and plan, my stomach will veto whatever my mind says and I will end up with 3 gallons of chocolate milk in the work refrigerator (about a quart is left), or 6 bags of the aforementioned burritos, or 3 Snickers. The best way for me to not spend money is to not be able to spend money. I got paid this past Thursday and am already about where I was financially a week ago. Here is my advice for people who, like myself, are undisciplined when it comes to swiping your card; leave your debit/credit card at home if you aren’t planning on using it. I know they are great for “Oh crap, I ran out of cash and don’t carry checks” instances, but on any standard day, you won’t run into those.
I think I may have broken a knuckle. I was moving the punching bag from our garage, through the breezeway and the Wisconsin room (like a Florida room, but nowhere near the temperature), and then down the basement steps. The first three areas are very much akin to the description Gimli gives the Emyn Muil in the theatrical rendition of Fellowship of the Ring; “An impassable labyrinth…”, and the stairs to the basement are reminiscent of the stairs near Minas Morgul leading to Shelob’s Lair. To make a long story short(er than I could make it), my knuckle became the focal point of a great deal of force involving my self-initiated propulsion and a wall. When going down stairs carrying a heavy and cumbersome load, always, Always, ALWAYS clear those stairs of laundry first. It will make life easier and less painful. Also, when using a punching bag, broken knuckle or not, I suggest wrapping your hands in something if you don’t have gloves. I now have a discolored knuckle to go with no skin along the ridge of my fist.
This is going to be a good week for USA Network. I believe that three episodes of Psych will be released on USA Network’s website in the next 30 hours, and I am excited for them. Also, Burn Notice has been airing new episodes, and I am picking them up via Roku, a fun little device that streams Amazon Instant Video. White Collar will be returning in a short while, and we also get those episodes through Roku.
The Cape, though it looked extremely cheesy, pans out to only moderately cheesy, and was actually a fairly fun and interesting show. If you have the time, and a willingness to accept that a spider silk cape somehow makes a man stronger, I suggest streaming it through Netflix. It isn’t vulgar, or sexual, and the violence is rather comic book-esque (as is the majority of the show).
My position at work may be going through another transformation. I will still be a Personal Banker, but with a stronger emphasis on Tellering. I will be the last line of opening accounts. If someone else is available, they get the account. I like that.
My family will be hosting their Strawn Family Caroling Party for the… I think it’s been 30 or 32 years now. It has been going on quite a while. If you are interested in details, feel free to get in touch with me. I have some clout, so can invite a number of people. After all, I am one of the 9 most persuasive people in the Strawn Board of Directors Regarding Holiday Fraternization, Gluttony, and Quaffing. It is a very prestigious (pronounced ‘press-dij-es’) and elite group of individuals with outstanding invites to the King of Portugal, Bob Barker, Queen Latifa, and Michael Phelps. I am not sure if they take us seriously, though.
Christmas is coming… and football commercials will not let us forget it.
Thanks for the Provo shout-out. *fist pump*
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