I have always had a fascination with and desire to learn phrases for other languages that pertain to terms of frustration. A great source for me were the writing of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, specifically regarding his character Samkin in the stories of Sir Nigel, the White Company, and eventually Allyene. He can cuss in three languages, I believe. I soon realized, though, that none of these colorful quote would do me a lick of good, seeing as each of them flauntingly names a deity. Pablo's Picasso, I was at a loss. What in heather Miran's name was I to do? By anchovies, I was nearly hopeless. But, Cheese Its and Oreos willing, I was able to come to my senses, and by turnip greens I came up with an alternative. Por Frijoles! Bleu Poissiont!Cre Deux! Take a good cuss and replace the actual vulgarity with a non offensive word. I think it is more fun in foreign languages, but I am fairly well known for cursing "son of a motherless duck" on the intramural fields on the St. Norbert Campus. I used to use bugger extensively, but I have attempted to tone back on it, as well as bloody, given their uses in their home country. "twiddle farts."... hehe, I like that one.
Anyway, I do not know where I am going with this. I think I am trying to point out that common vulgarities tend to be unimaginative and make people sound less intelligent. But if you can come up with "What the turkey schwarma is going on here?" on the fly, or "Holy wheat grass!", or even "Son of a flea ridden porcupine," you will make people stop for a second. In my dad's day, cussing made you stand out. You were daring to be different and challenge the norm. Nowadays, those that don't swear are the social anomalies.
On a completely unrelated note, no one at all today noticed my mustache. I have somewhere between 8 and 10 WEEKS worth of upper lip growth, and no one noticed (except, of course, my mother). That takes the man right out of ya.
I was helping a customer at work today who was telling me about her grandson, named Aaron (the daughter-in-law claims he was named after the Old Testament prophet, but the rest of the family knows better), and took out her cell phone to show me pictures of him. I promptly took out my phone and we compared my nephew, Samson, to her little one. We talked babies for 3 minutes, and Packers and Badgers football for 5 more minutes. It was a wonderful time.
I was given a hundred dollars in change today. If you are ever asked how much 50 dollars in quarters is, tell them it is a bit more than 1 fluid cup. By the way, we don;t have a change counter at work, so the 70 dollars of quarters was counted by hand.
I do not even know the last time I have been shopping. I am sure that I have gone at some point in the past, but I do not have a distinct memory of going to a store to buy MYSELF an outfit. My wardrobe is a compilation of my older brother's castaway clothing. I haven't worn a new pair of jeans since my freshman year of high school. My denim collection is holier than swiss cheese. I don't think I will ever look good in skinny jeans. I have a curious interest in getting a pair, but I have thickly built runner legs that would not do well in such material, visually of regarding comfort. My shirts no longer fit (courtesy of the push/pull ups, I went from a small being the only size shirt that fits to wearing larges this summer). I am running low on socks. My little sister took all my boxers. Dress shirts are either WAY too loose and baggy in the arms and at the waist and shoulders, or I cannot button it all the way up if I want to breath without feeling like vomiting. My slacks, khakis, and pinstripes pinch my waist and expose my sock. I am in need of a make over (and I would not mind getting a pedi while I'm at it).
My whole house is asleep, and I want to belt out "Oh, Holy Night," "The First Noel," "Angels We Have Heard on High," "If You Could High to Kolob" (Not Christmas, but Chruch hymn), or "I Wanna Go," the Hunger Games version (not even close to being a Church song).
I want to take a vacation day... tomorrow.
Six things:
ReplyDelete• I speak Spanish! Though my more recent training in Hmong has turned my Español pretty rusty, and now when I try to speak it, my words come out half-and-half, which can be kind of interesting.
• I had a friend in high school who used to replace every expletive with "sauce". Sometimes I still do that. I guess there's the whole, "Yes, but what does it mean? You might as well say the real word because the intent is the same and etc. etc. etc." but I guess it's better to be creative (and much less vulgar) and come up with your own cuss words than actually resort to the now-ubiquitous and totally unoriginal swears. Also, this is the kind of thing that leads one to you being very funny and popular among the other elders.
• Who is Heather Miran?
• Once I emptied my change cup and it had almost $200 in it. That really helped me make the rent payment that month.
• You made a really amusing typo just after talking about your push/pull-ups, especially considering what you just finished saying about cursing. :D
• Skinny jeans: JUST SAY NO. For men?? I mean REAlly. Some fashions these days...