If I westle with myself, am I the winner or the loser?

Okay, so the layout for this blog page just changed recently, and I'm not sure I like it. It is more empty, in a 'this is a poorly designed site' sort of empty instead of the 'artistically minimalistic' sort of empty.
For starters, this past weekend was a blast. I was able to participate in the SNC track meet, played a fun game of cards, watched 15 episodes of Chuck, ate a tray of Oreos, 3 containers of Chinese, 2 meals of Pizza, watched Hop and Crazy, Stupid, Love, Zumba'd, and got to see so many friends. IT was a wonderfully fun time, and I look forward to being able to do it again.
I also went to the Green Bay first ward and attended Sacrament and first block. The talks were all regarding Charity (in one way or another). The first speaker's topic was the Golden Rule, the second spoke on service, and the final speaker focused on loving God, and our neighbors as ourselves. The Hymn was Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief. In Gospel Doctrine, we discussed, mainly, the wrestle that Enos had before God. Now, this blog was supposed to be about how I changed from a guy who was never going to go on a mission to who I am now. The majority of my posts have had to do with random happenings in my life and football.
So here is some actual conversion information.
Anyone who has tried to change themselves can appreciate the struggle it is. In an attempt to keep myself healthier, I have eaten more salad in the last 18 months than I had in the previous 18 years. In order to stay awake in school, I changed my sleeping pattern dramatically and it worked. I wanted to write in my journal, so I keep it by my bed. However, I haven't had a salad in weeks, have resumed napping during my lunch break, and have had multiple 2 week-plus gaps in my journal so far this year. Even though I have tried to change my habits, I easily revert back to my old ways.
There are still times when I feel like I don't want to serve a mission, or more appropriately that I am not prepared to serve a mission. I think that because I spent so long not wanting to serve that I could have a negative influence on those who serve with me. I still have flashes of thoughts where I think I am doing this for selfish reasons, because I know there are great blessings associated with this work. There are still times when I feel unworthy.
Whenever these things go through my head, I always try and remember that I have been called to serve, that I have been/can be forgiven for anything that I do, and that with faith and dedication to the Gospel, I can have the Spirit with me to guide me and direct. I have worked ever and always, slowly but surely, towards being a more patient, loving, and accepting person. It is these simple (but still challenging) changes that will have the largest and most lasting impact on me.