It's good to be home!

I have not posted anything in a while, mainly because I have not had a string of thoughts that is related enough to make any semblance of a cohesive post. My mind has been very chaotic, and my thoughts are as connected as one bubble to another; all originating from the same place, but each one an individual. So please, accept my apology now for what will be a very Pratchett-esque style of writing.

Speaking of Pratchett, I have recently begun reading a book of his that I have not read previously. I am again struck by the unconventional comedy and loose writing style of dear Terry. Anyone who enjoys a good laugh while reading should pick up Pratchett and give it a go. His best books mostly pertain to the realm of Discworld; a celestial lump similar in shape to a pizza, if pizza were thousands of miles across and had a mountain stabbing upwards from the very middle of your meal. This world is supported on the backs of four elephants (giant elephants, to be more specific; a normal foursome of elephants could not hold up the world), who stand on the back of the great turtle A’tuin (I’ll let you guess his adjective pertaining to size). Characters range from Humans, Dwarfs, Trolls, Werewolves, Humans raised by Dwarfs, Vampires, Elves, a three legged dog who doesn’t bark, but says ‘bark’ or ‘woof’ instead, witches, The Wee Free Men (a violent, vulgar, and blue-tattooed race about 6 inches tall), and Gods. His books are full of satire, wit, a brandishing of vulgarities, snippets of what really goes through people’s heads, and intrigue. He is far and away one of my favorite authors.

Back to the gridiron. Pick your adjective for how Aaron Rodgers is playing; Accurate, Awesome, Comical, Elite, Epic, Great, Inspiring, Superb, Surgical, Tremendous, Unreal, Zany. The only knock against him is how many times he has been taken down behind the line, but I will take 23 sacks if it means fewer interceptions, more long plays, and a run when he breaks contain. His QB rating this season is nearly 10 points ahead of any other… IN HISTORY! He hasn’t had a QB rating under 110 since the NFC Championship game against Chicago. Starks, and Grant, are keeping defenses honest. Bishop is stepping up in a new role, the team leader in tackles and tied for sacks, and Peprah is making more plays with 4 picks. Capers got creative, not with Matthews, but with Woodson. Look how that turned out (less than 190 pass yards allowed, Matthews with 2 sacks, Peterson held to his second worse game of the year). When Cobb gets his hands secured on the ball, he is dangerous. When Jordy is one-on-one with a DB, he can beat him more often than not. Driver is still a player. Three Packers O-lineman were selected in the Top 100 players in the NFL. Kuhn is playing like Spencer Havner was a few years back; he tends to score when he gets the ball (4 TDs on 18 touches). Vic So’oto got in the game. Flynn moved into a tie for second place on the team in rushing touchdowns (Starks had one against NO, and Rodgers is tied with Kuhn at two apiece). Sam Shields gave a crucial block on Cobb’s TD return. Jarrett Bush and Pat Lee gunned downfield on punt coverage and forced the returner into more bodies, limiting return yards. We held our coverage on the flea flicker this time. Raji, knowing he lacks the speed to chase down Ponder, sat back on a screen, taking away the passing lane thereby preventing the completion. This team played championship quality football last night.

Now, to diet. I have been eating microwavable burritos like they are going out of style. I ate two boxes of Little Debbie treats (one of each Zebra Cakes and Cosmic Brownies) and drank a half gallon of chocolate milk in a 4 hour shift at work. I devoured half a bag of M&Ms last night to go along with a whole platter of chips and dip and polished off a two-liter of ginger ale. Something needs to change, especially if I am to be wearing my Speedo at the alumni swim meet in a little over a month. Here is the plan. Increase my consumption of hummus, eggs, chicken, salsa, cottage cheese (BLEAH!!!), asparagus, cauliflower, broccoli, and spinach and decrease my consumption of… basically everything I buy when I am on break while at Festival Foods. Couple that with an abs, shoulder, lat, and back focused workout with  body weight, kettle bells, and swimming, and I should be in shape for the meet.

Finances; I have taken to leaving my debit card at home when I go out. No matter how I budget and plan, my stomach will veto whatever my mind says and I will end up with 3 gallons of chocolate milk in the work refrigerator (about a quart is left), or 6 bags of the aforementioned burritos, or 3 Snickers. The best way for me to not spend money is to not be able to spend money. I got paid this past Thursday and am already about where I was financially a week ago. Here is my advice for people who, like myself, are undisciplined when it comes to swiping your card; leave your debit/credit card at home if you aren’t planning on using it. I know they are great for “Oh crap, I ran out of cash and don’t carry checks” instances, but on any standard day, you won’t run into those.

I think I may have broken a knuckle. I was moving the punching bag from our garage, through the breezeway and the Wisconsin room (like a Florida room, but nowhere near the temperature), and then down the basement steps. The first three areas are very much akin to the description Gimli gives the Emyn Muil in the theatrical rendition of Fellowship of the Ring; “An impassable labyrinth…”, and the stairs to the basement are reminiscent of the stairs near Minas Morgul leading to Shelob’s Lair. To make a long story short(er than I could make it), my knuckle became the focal point of a great deal of force involving my self-initiated propulsion and a wall. When going down stairs carrying a heavy and cumbersome load, always, Always, ALWAYS clear those stairs of laundry first. It will make life easier and less painful. Also, when using a punching bag, broken knuckle or not, I suggest wrapping your hands in something if you don’t have gloves. I now have a discolored knuckle to go with no skin along the ridge of my fist.

This is going to be a good week for USA Network. I believe that three episodes of Psych will be released on USA Network’s website in the next 30 hours, and I am excited for them. Also, Burn Notice has been airing new episodes, and I am picking them up via Roku, a fun little device that streams Amazon Instant Video. White Collar will be returning in a short while, and we also get those episodes through Roku.

The Cape, though it looked extremely cheesy, pans out to only moderately cheesy, and was actually a fairly fun and interesting show. If you have the time, and a willingness to accept that a spider silk cape somehow makes a man stronger, I suggest streaming it through Netflix. It isn’t vulgar, or sexual, and the violence is rather comic book-esque (as is the majority of the show).

My position at work may be going through another transformation. I will still be a Personal Banker, but with a stronger emphasis on Tellering. I will be the last line of opening accounts. If someone else is available, they get the account. I like that.

My family will be hosting their Strawn Family Caroling Party for the… I think it’s been 30 or 32 years now. It has been going on quite a while. If you are interested in details, feel free to get in touch with me. I have some clout, so can invite a number of people. After all, I am one of the 9 most persuasive people in the Strawn Board of Directors Regarding Holiday Fraternization, Gluttony, and Quaffing. It is a very prestigious (pronounced ‘press-dij-es’) and elite group of individuals with outstanding invites to the King of Portugal, Bob Barker, Queen Latifa, and Michael Phelps. I am not sure if they take us seriously, though.

Christmas is coming… and football commercials will not let us forget it.

As always, stay classy Sheboygan, Provo, De Pere, Moscow, Cape Canaveral, Lewisburg, Mars, and anywhere else people may be reading this.

I got an extra hour this morning!!!

This has nothing to do with daylight savings. As it turns out, I don't work until 9:30 this morning, so even though I got an extra hour of sleep, I get an extra 30 minutes to do my morning routine in addition to the extra sleep. I think that is a pretty good deal.
In church on Sunday, Ted mentioned how a way to continue to follow the strait and narrow path is to keep our eyes on it. When our vision turns to either side, it acts as a rudder. I have noticed the effects in running, swimming, throwing a ball/frisbee, biking, driving, and pogo sticking. However subtle it is, you change direction when you turn your head. The same holds true with the spiritual. When you focus your attention on the defender/rocks in the path/pot hole/ the runner in the next lane, you will begin to move toward it/throw toward it. When your attention is focused on the things that you aren't supposed to do, you will have those things on your mind constantly. Besides, who wants to go through the day thinking "okay, today I can't drink, swear at the neighbors cat, punch my boss, steal a car, sleep with my secretary, shoot up heroine, ask someone if they want a ride then zoom off without them laughing hysterically, or set fire to the corn field onside of town."
Every day should be spent firmly planting ourselves in the teachings of the Gospel. We should keep our attentions on the good things that we must do; service to our fellow man, scripture study, personal prayer, tithing, attending our meetings, etc.
A common phrase that I have heard takes a progression from thoughts eventually becoming who you are. By dwelling ever on that which you want to become, you will eventually become it. It may take time. It may take practice to always focus on the good things in this world, but the more you work at thinking about being a better, the better you will become.

I can't come up with a good title, cause my original one is trademarked...

Unfortunately, Planet Fitness has trademarked their tagline regarding their Zone Without Judgement, which is what the title of this blog was going to be this morning... so much for that!
Any-whoot, I work out at Planet Fitness on a fairly regular basis. It's a nice place. Strange pro-Vikings color scheme, not heavy enough kettlebells, and no area to do deadlift, and a rule against grunting, but other than that it is convenient and inexpensive. Here is my ire, though; no matter how many plastic covers you put over the weights on the machines, or how many alarms you set up for when people drop dumbells, or the number of rules you have against 'muscle t's,' people will continue to judge the skinny, the overweight, the weak, the guy who spends too much time in the tanning booth and the girl who wears too much makeup for working out, that group of 8 guys who talk loudly going from one machine to the next, and the guy that works there who I would bet $10 has a tattoo similar to the one that Noah Marlowe has. You can do everything you can to change how people think, but plastic coverings isn't the way to do it. To be completely honest, I feel limited when working out there. It isn't really a 'Free' place; it is a place that has catered to average or sub-average market.
That is why I am upset. I don't care if they make a place where everyone feels comfortable going to work out, but I do not like how I can't work out to my fullest extent because my turning red faced and hissing an expulsion of air would upset the delicate balance of the Planet while bench pressing.You cannot force people to look at each other without judgement. Just ask politicians.
100 years after being given rights to citizenship under the Constitution of the United States, Martin Luther King Jr. was shot to death trying to campaign for equal rights across the races. In Plessy v. Ferguson, the Supreme Court decided that segregation was legal, as long as there was equality in the separation. This remained in effect for 58 years before being overturned in Brown v. Board of education in 1954, 14 years before King Jr. was shot. This means that 143 years ago the US government put in place an amendment to the Constitution allowing for equal citizenship, had to reinforce it 2 years later with an amendment regarding voting rights across the spectrum, and I am still hearing about racial imbalance, oppression, subjegation, and how the world is an unfair place for blacks.
I do recognize (note, not understand) that there is still a statistically unbalanced portion of this country living in poverty who are black. Statistically, blacks and women are less likely to be promoted. Middle class whites complain about not getting college financial aid because they are too average. Women athletes tend to not have a market. There is so much more, but I have to get to work (via Planet Fitness).
Here is what I am getting at. You can try to force as many rules and as much legislation down peoples throats as you want, but this country is judgemental. I do it. I watch people run, and think 'uggh!!! disgusting! how can they do that! doesn't that hurt? It sure hurts my eyes!' She had flowing blonde hair, 18 years old, 5' 10'', and 125lbs. Ever heard of Blake Lively? Horrible running form in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I judge her every time she runs. I judge myself every time I eat an entire frozen pizza and contemplate getting another one. We are Americans; we judge the world (who hasn't told a Canadia joke? Made in China joke? Using a British accent to sound hotter counts as being judgemental). I have this problem, too, so I will work on it. Please do the same, and let me sputter while lifting.

But the joke's on them!

This morning, I decided I wanted to listen to one of my favorite stand-up comedy pieces; Woody Allen discussing his experiences with Moose hunting   in upstate New York. I absolutely love this story. It isn't the funniest comedy I have heard, his actions aren't the most outrageously animated, and his timing, though pretty dang good, isn't the best I have ever witnessed, but dang it I love it!
Anybody who has not wanted to, at some point in their lives, become a comedian is A) far too serious (cue Heath Ledger in makeup) or B) self aware to the point of recognizing that they/their life stories are just not funny enough. I am in the latter group, to a degree. I would love to be a comedian! I get to tell embarrassing stories all night, laugh at myself (which everyone else seems to do, anyway), and get paid to do it! Big problem though... I don't find my stories funny or interesting for the most part. Most of the stories that I tell begin with "I have this friend who..."
But laughing is so awesome. The benefits are innumerable! It gives you a great ab workout, relieves stress, improves cardio, decreases cholesterol, improves vision, cures leprosy, and clears sidewalks of up to 8 inches of snow Tuesdays from 3-5 in the morning and after 11:11 at night, and once was reported to turn a group of train hi-jackers in Istanbul into Guinea Hens. Ok, maybe I exaggerated a little bit, but I still love laughing.
Another thing I love that I haven't done since Exam week, Spring 2011; Zumba! Almost every day at work, Pitbull, Black Eyed Peas (bleah!!), Shakira, Edward Maya, or some other song blared from Sarah C's iPod speakers on those fun filled evenings in the CC Gym goes through my head, and I catch my co-workers staring at me has my hips sway, my feet bounce, and lyrics and a beat softly come out of my mouth... it is a little embarrassing, but I just clear my throat, blush a bit, and go back to SILENTLY singing the song in my head.
Yesterday while at work, I found a list of 7 veggies that are a great source of protein (This is in response to your question from a few weeks/months ago ZP). The protien with be displayed in parenthesis as grams/calorie. Pumpkin Seeds at 9.35 grams of protein per ounce of seeds (.06), Asparagus has more than 3 grams per 8 spears (.11), Cauliflower (.08), Peanuts (.05), Mung Beans (.1), Spinach has 5.35 grams per cup of cooked cup (.12), and Broccoli (.08). This is great for me, cause I eat far too much meat. I had been putting asparagus in my scrambled eggs, and I have always liked broccoli. Also, I wonder if I can make a hummus with pumpkin seeds... hrmmmm. The possibilities!!!
Do you know that Apolo Ohno is training for his first marathon, and want to run it with Lance Armstrong. Guess what Lance texted his wife upon completeing his first marathon? "Oh. My. G**. Ouch. Terrible." Lance is considered one of, if not, the greatest endurance athletes ever, and he hobbled through to finish in great pain. Apolo also said that training for a marathon hasinflicted more pain than he has ever had in places he never knew could hurt.
Puss in Boots; decent movie.
Chicken and rice; great meal.
Powerade; tasty.
Psych; such a fun show.
Burn Notice; new episodes!!
Second Nephi; intriguing chapters.
Packers; 38-27 over the Chargers (Blanket Gates, double Jackson oin D, and exploit the lack of speed in the Linebacking core with offense.)
Haircut; I need to cut my hair tomorrow... and Zach's too.
Andrew Luck; his stock is falling!
Brushing your teeth; use a baby toothbrush and massage your gums gently with it.
Peircings; Body piercings ore the biggest deciding physical factor in companies not hiring, followed by bad breath and then tattoos.. or maybe tattos is first, piercings third...
Lord of the Rings; I still need to wathc RotK with Gonz and Mc-Goon-ager.
Well, I think I am out of random things. Have a great day, everyone!

'Running makes the heart grow fonder' 'I think you mean 'absence'' No, running doesn't make absence'

As I continue to read through 'Born to Run,' I have become so impressed with the information within this tome (yeah, that's right!) that I have written down references to specific portions of the book that pertain to some of the more outlandish and unbelievable sections, because if I tell people that a better way to avoid running injuries than buying expensive shoes/orthodics is to buy 30 dollar shoes, put 4000 miles on them and switch the left and right shoe every thousand miles, no one would believe me.* Many people are starting to believe in Vibram as an effective running 'shoe,' but other atypical techniques and methods are still shunned. Two great ways to train for marathons are 1) 4 hours of speed workouts and cross training on top of that per week for only 12 weeks or 2) running 20 to 40 miles a day. The best running shoes CREATE running injuries, as does stretching. 60 year old men that are experienced marathoners finish better than 19 year old men who have trained for marathons. A better way to improve your cardio compared to classical 'run 5 days a week' is biking 6 30-second sprints a day, three days a week. According to new evolutionary thought, we did not descend from massive, hulking, slope-headed hunters with massive, hairy arms that trapped mammoths and boar in well planned ambushes. Nope. We came from a weaker, dumber, more slender folk. According to joint Harvard-Utah research, a 100 pound runner is on average 3 minutes faster than a 160 pound runner... per mile!!! This meas that my 180lbs frame lumbering through collegiate cross country would have been probably another minute to a minute and a half slower, simply due to the added bulk I carry. That is why Neanderthals couldn't keep up with our supposed ancestors. They literally couldn't! Humans are the most effective distance runners in the world, able to run farther than horses, antelope, and every other quadruped studied. We are the only 'walking animal' with an achilles tendon, that have a massive guluteus maximus, unlike our cousin chimps, and our body uses 20% of it's energy to power only 2% of  its mass; our brain. One theory also suggested that scientific and philosophical thought, as well as every type of extrapolation that man uses, all stem from the same activity; hunting. Ancient hunters could read tracks with incredible detail, but when they needed an advantage, they put themselves into the mind of the animal, and projected themselves through their thought process. Just as criminal profilers today can fairly accurately describe a person based on the crime, these ancient hunters could hunt down prey by thinking like them. What we are today has stemmed from our running and our hunting. Without running, we would not have survived. Our brain developed to makes us better hunters, and our bodies became one of the most dangerous weapons of the pre-historic world.
Last night, I was running home from work. It was rainy, cold, and windy. I was about 80% of the way through my run when I realized that I wasn't even thinking about it as a run; it was simply how I got home from work. I have already become accustomed to running home from work to the point that it is not even a chore for me to romp more than 3 miles with 2 changes of clothes and a towel in my backpack, it is simply my main mode of transportation (if I am traveling alone and can shower when I get where I am going). I am trying to make a switch from the person I have been to who I was born to be, and it is actually easier than I thought it would be. I have gone from claiming to be retired 3 months ago, to running almost daily, racing for the first time in 30 months (5k in 18:30), and looking forward to running a marathon within 6 months of getting back from my mission, and an ultra-marathon within 8 months of getting back. I have been inspired by this book to become a better person in every aspect of my life. Because I am reading it, I am now reading my scriptures more often. If you want inspiration, read 'Born to Run.' If you don't want inspiration, read it anyway, and you will want to be inspired. Get the book, and get running.
*All specific information regarding research and training techniques, etc. were from 'Born to Run,' with the exception of the Speed Training for marathon and biking sprints for cardio which are from '4 Hour Body.'

Welcome to Earth

This blog will not actually have anything to do with aliens (or Will Smith, for that matter). I just really like Independence Day. Although, the title does still fit my topic, albeit, loosely, and it all started with my morning outfit.
Every school day, my little sister gets up at 5:15, gets ready for her day, and wakes me up at 5:30. I brush my toofs, make a burrito, and then drive her to early morning seminary, a staple in the LDS community for high school students. This is the plan, at least. Tyner usually gets up at 5:25, and we leave the house at 5:45, which is when seminary starts. I stay in bed until Tyner has 4 minutes before she is ready. I skip brushing, and usually put on a kilt and loose T-shirt, and take my burrito with me (I let it cool while I drive and take my first bite in the church parking lot). This morning, I wanted to swing by Festival Foods, because it is close to my church, and buy a razor. When I dropped Tyner off, however, I realized a few things.
1) I had not brushed my teeth yet.
2) I skipped the shirt this morning, and was wearing a zip up hoodie.
3) I only wear a shoe on my right foot because our Ford Focus is a manual, and the clutch no longer has a no slip pad, so I wrap my toes around it so my foot doesn't slide off.
4) I was wearing a kilt... the proper way.
These factors all contributed to a lack of a new razor for me. It also helped me recognize something else; I really miss college.
I am in a sort of limbo; working in the 'real world,' but when I get back from my mission, I plan on going back to school. I do wish I were still at school, but at home working is where I need to be compared to college.
Every day, I am reminded of college; jokes, facebook posts, tv shows, football. Each day, I think of my friends that I wish I could have finished school with, people that I was looking forward to getting to know better. As excited as I am for my mission, I dearly miss my friends at SNC. Leaving school early for my mission was one of the hardest decisions I have had to make.
I now work at Associated Bank, and it is great. I work with great people, I now have a firm grasp on the Teller position, and I am getting the hang of opening accounts. Here's the thing; 'real world' jobs remind me very much of college as well. I show up to work, fairly sedately work through the tasks of the day, laugh and joke with my co-workers, and then go home. The next day, repeat. It is a very monotonous thing, these real world jobs. I do learn new things on the job, and I am well directed by management, but college is more interesting to me. I know that I am going to have at least one great lesson each day at SNC. I get to see more people at school, I can stay up until after midnight, wok out at 7, eat when I want without having to buy groceries ahead of time, nap before each class, etc. Life at school is more hectic, chaotic, exciting. Each day is a new adventure. At work, I need to go out of my way to find interesting topics to learn about, I run every day trying to find a new adventure, I have plowed through numerous books, some unpublished, and am reading many for a second time. I have even made a playbook for football, and I am planning on reviewing my notes from my econ classes from the past two-plus years. I am going so far out of my way to try and recreate my college experience. My behavior sounds clingy and immature to me, but it is the truth; I can't wait to go back to college.
My foray into the world has thus far left a great deal to be desired; I feel relatively unchallenged.
College, though a tad easier up to this point, is more exciting, and right mow, I could use some fireworks in my life.

'did you hear that?' 'it's just your imagination!...scratch that, it really is a homocidal maniac.'

I do not do well with scary movies, thrillers, horrors, or anything of the like. I have gotten to the point where I can watch 'Scooby Doo' with out ever having to cover my eyes, though!
This time of year makes it a little awkward when I hang out with friends. Last night, per tradition, we watched movies fitting for the season; Simpsons Halloween episodes, 'Plan 9 From Outer Space', and '1408'. The first I was able to take like a man, or like a typical episode of Scooby Doo. The second turned out to be a comedy, although the producers of the film didn't know it at the time. The last one was different. I ending up not being too scared of it, but that is because I spent much of the movie watching through parted fingers. Even without that, it would have not been too scary, however, I have a rampant imagination that doesn't let me get to sleep at night if there is something  haunting going through my head. After watching 'The Ring,' at Bingham's Halloween extravaganza, I didn't fall asleep until 6 am. I watched 'Sixth Sense' in theaters and couldn't sleep at night (though I did fall asleep in the theater for 20 minutes, missing the part with Mischa Barton). After watching 'Seven' at school, I was freaked out, although the movie wasn't that bad; it was the music. I just thought something horrifying and frightening was about to happen. What keeps me up at night is not the movie itself; it is what my imagination does with me once it gets dark.
In other words, I am glad that it is now November, so the most frightening thing in the future is thinking about how much weight I am going to gain come Thanksgiving.